he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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