So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
