Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
