To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
