THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
