it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
