Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
