I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Let's paint friendship bongs
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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