Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
