she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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