New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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