after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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