He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
