i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I wish you could order shots online.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
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