Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Randomize
