Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
