Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
