You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
