and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
