you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Randomize
