btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
