feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
