thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
