I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
