i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
