He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
