if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
