Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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