Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I need moral support for this bender
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
