guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
