well I can't set my house on fire every night
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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