you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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