maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Randomize
