Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
