I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
