My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize