I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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