I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
