I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
