yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
