I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
