i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I showed him my bush... on skype.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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