you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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