You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Randomize
