Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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