just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Randomize
