omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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