Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
