In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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