he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
