I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
