i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
